My Client, a Survivor

Below are some revisions of a poem I brought to my poetry class for critique.

The first version sticks with the original form of the poem with revisions suggested by my classmates and teacher.

The second version is my first attempt at writing a pantoum which was the suggest of my teacher, Margaret Rozga.  A pantoum repeats certain lines in the poem.  You can read more about it here.

My Client, a Survivor By Rebecca Klamert

Her voice suddenly quiet,
she hesitates.
It’s her second call today.
Each resembles the last.

They all start the same:
a timid voice speaks my name;
a force of energy upon knowing its me;
a need to explain, doubtful I’ll believe.

This time she hopes
for a different response.

They all end the same:
after an intense conversation,
a hesitation,
and the soft whisper of goodbye.
 
My Client, a Survivor By Rebecca Klamert

Her voice suddenly quiet,
she hesitates.
It’s her second call today.
Each resembles the last.

She hesitates.
They all start the same.
Each resembles the last.
A timid voice speaks my name.

They all start the same;
a need to explain, doubtful I’ll believe,
a timid voice speaks my name,
a force of energy upon knowing it’s me.

A need to explain, doubtful I’ll believe,
This time she hopes for a different response.
A force of energy upon knowing it’s me
before a soft whisper of goodbye,

this time she hoped for a different response.
It was her second call today
After a soft whisper of goodbye,
her voice suddenly grew quiet.